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Just running my mouth ...

This would be the day that my blogging voice is just a bit forthcoming.

I know I will not be able to say what I want in the way that I would like to.  The way my brain works lately I feel like there really is no order, so I will just list the crazy thoughts that are going on in my head ...

  • my heart has been racing
  • the tears seem to flow really easily
  • some moments I can't catch my breath
  • I'm having a hard time dealing with slow moments and really fast paced moments ... seems there is no in between.
  • I really want to exercise more ... that really helps with my mind
  • I wonder if I am qualified to teach Sunday school ... am I holy enough?
  • I feel guilty for not playing enough with my 3 year old
  • I seem to be in such a hurry when my children want to ask me something
  • suddenly I think I have more time than ever, but I can't manage it
  • I feel like I should be doing something more productive ... tackling home projects ... something
  • I miss my girls when they are at school
  • I miss my husband when he is at work
  • I miss having friends to talk with
  • I wish I didn't second guess myself
  • I want to be more daring ... braver, more secure in making decisions
  • I can't wait to finish up with my mouth ... jaw surgery and the removal of my braces
  • I worry about the economy
  • can we really afford the school we are sending my older two girls to?
  • I miss my dad
  • I can relate to my mom more and more everyday ... damn those genes!
  • I want to live a simpler life and can't relax enough to do so
  • I love my computer and I hate it
  • my brother didn't tell me the good news about his wife being pregnant with #6 ... is he mad at me?
  • I can recognize all the blessings in my life, yet I still feel sorry for myself sometimes ... ughhhhhhhh!
  • I miss homeschooling 
  • I wish I could speak my mind in a more articulate way
  • lately I feel like I wander my house with ADD ... the job seems so daunting
  • I love being a mom
  • I am a sad mom who tries her best to put on a happy face
  • I have the best husband ever
  • My girls are really good girls, but I worry for them
  • I want to grow in my faith and I wish for my girls to ALWAYS find comfort in theirs
  • I am tired of typing 
  • Am I whining?
  • Do most moms feel like this?
  • Am I just a little bit off balance?
  • No I do NOT have my period
  • Yes, I could be ovulating
  • ((((SIGH))))
I know,  OFFER IT UP!

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Comments

nutmeg said…
I can relate.... (except for the brother's wife thing... I can only hope my brother will marry someone who would want to have 6 children! So there's another worry... about my brother and ALL of my siblings!)
It's called being a mom, my dear.
And I wish you lived closer.
:)
{hugs}
4:12 PM
thesixburghmom said…
((E)), I swear you and I are kindred spirits. I can relate to a lot of what you said.

I miss my husband when he is at work
Me too. The days are so long sometimes and I ache for him to come home (my husband..not your's...lol).

I can recognize all the blessings in my life, yet I still feel sorry for myself sometimes ... ughhhhhhhh!
Tell me about it! I struggle with this so much!

I wish I could speak my mind in a more articulate way
Same here. Sometimes I feel like all the comes out of my mouth is a bunch of marbly mush...lol. It certainly doesn't reflect what I'm thinking. I wish I had a better vocabulary or was less tongue tied.

I am a sad mom who tries her best to put on a happy face
I can totally relate to this. Why is this? I agree, I love being a Mom, but I'm pretty sad a lot of the time."

Yes, I could be ovulating
LOL! Me too!

I'm not sure why your brother didn't tell you about their #6. Did you ask him? Is that normal behavior for him (to withhold information when he is upset)?

((HUGS)) E! I'm glad you shared all of this! I wish you lived next door.
4:22 PM
Shelly said…
no, you're not alone! your list speaks to all of us, IMO! Good list ;)
5:51 PM
Laura said…
You are such a great mom, and you do so much for your family.

You are anxious.
You are tired.
You are human.

For today just be.

Peace.
6:42 PM
Rose said…
Wow, I could have written a lot of that! You are definitely not alone. I think many moms feel this way at times. We are so pressured for everything to be perfect that many people don't admit when they have days like this.

I am also enjoying the season changing from summer to fall-- it is kind of a 'sad' time because all the flowers are dying and trees are changing, yet it is also a time for reflection and inner growth too. Plus, I miss the sunshine which I know helps my moods.

I think I would enjoy time to myself but when I get it, I sometimes don't know what to do with it. Today I joined a Bible study and next week I think I'm going to start going to weekly Adoration.

Hang in there!
10:16 PM
Jen @ tatertotsandjello.com said…
I really enjoyed your post. I think the things you are feeling are very normal and I share most of them. It is so much harder to be a mom than I ever thought it would be. It is hard to see your children growing up and going through hard times. Not being able to put a bandaid on their problems and make everything instantly better. I think having faith in your life gives you strength to get through the hard times. Thanks for being so honest. Have a great time enjoying your cute family!
2:33 PM
Philippa said…
*hug* I can't help with much of this, but I can say this of Sunday School. God is holy enough. You just need to turn up! He does the rest. ;-)
4:28 PM
Unknown said…
((E)),

Oh my, I think many moms can relate to this. Maybe not every single thing because those are unique to your situation but just the overall insecurities, fatigue, confidence, and second guessing issues that are so common. Sigh...

I hope a peaceful feeling makes it way to you, soon, {E}.

{W}
1:42 PM
Sarah said…
I could write that on any day so don't worry!
10:11 PM
momto5minnies said…
THANKS LADIES ... your kind words really mean a lot.

~Elaine
10:28 PM
momto5minnies said…
THANKS LADIES ... your kind words really mean a lot.

~Elaine
10:29 PM
southernjoy said…
I agree with Phillipa :-)

((((hugs))))
Take it one day, one breath at a time. Your family is blessed to have you.
9:33 AM
Cathy Adamkiewicz said…
What a beautiful, transparent post. You say so much that is true for so many of us!
I'm glad you visited my blog -- reminded me how much I like to visit yours!
Keep up the great mothering -- and the great writing.
8:57 AM
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