I'm sure you have heard of the term ...
A helicopter parent is a term for a person who pays extremely close attention to his or her child or children, particularly at educational institutions. They rush to prevent any harm or failure from befalling them or letting them learn from their own mistakes, sometimes even contrary to the children's wishes. They are so named because, like a helicopter, they hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach, whether their children need them or not.
Last night was one of those crazy evenings ... rushing to and from swim practice, trying to make dinner and bathe 2 little children before heading to a bible study. I left my husband in charge of homework and bed. While at my bible study my 10 year old texted me saying that she needed a mushroom for science. So at 9:30pm I am stopping at the local grocery store to pick one up. When I got home I put it in the refrigerator. My daughter was already in bed.
This morning I do my usual reminders ... "do you have EVERYTHING you need?" I got the usual "yes". As I pull up to the school, my daughter asks if I can please bring a mushroom before 8th period today. Arghhhhhhhhhh! I bought the mushroom and it was still at home in the fridge. I am angry now ... not saying the nicest of things. I then tell my daughter that I will rush home and for her to meet me outside and I will hand it to her.
I drive home like a maniac hitting every red light imagineable. I get back to the school just one minute before the first bell.
She has her mushroom ... she is happy.
I am frustrated because I am not sure I did the right thing. Part of me feels like it may have been a bit of my fault by not telling her that I bought her mushroom, but then I also feel like maybe she should have asked me this morning IF I got what she needed. I also drove all the way home when I probably should have just stopped at the nearest grocery store to get a new mushroom, I just wasn't thinking clearly.
I do not want to be one of those parents who comes to the rescue of their child all the time. My children need to learn and I need to let them. It is hard being manager of a large home and as much as I would love a life with little mistakes and with no things forgotten ... it cannot fall on my shoulders all of the time.
(((SIGH))))
Today I need to come up with some ideas to help my girls be more independent.
Tonight ... FAMILY MEETING!
Comments
You wouldn't believe how many times people have saved me. I am a grownup and still leave things at other peoples homes. It is just this crazy insane busy life we lead that has us running hither-tither.
I think you did the right thing.
If I lived at your house the shroom would have been eaten for breakfast and you daughter would have really been up the creek.
Hey you can't be expected to remember everything for them...You are doing great...hang in there...maybe go for a run or two
{M} made a point of putting her oboe by her backpack the night before last and then still managed to leave the house in the morning without it. She actually didn't call me for it...probably didn't want to hear me complain but I brought it to school. But get this? I dropped it at the front desk. A message appears on television monitors dispersed throughout the school notifying students of messages/dropped off items. She didn't manage to notice her name on the television screen until sixth hour...band was third hour. So as she played the air oboe during band, her real oboe was sitting in the school office. How can such a smart child be so absent minded? UGH!
{W}
If a family is "working on it" as far as trying to organize their homework routine and supplies preparation, I try to give wiggle room for that. I know it's hard to swing back into the school year.
The problem is that there are SO many parents that don't see the problem. They like "coming to the rescue" and this is not helpful to anyone really. Today, a father brought in a book for his son, gave it to the office and told them to give it to me (his advisor) so I would find him and give it to him. The problem was that I did not have a single free period for the rest of the day, so I could not. I don't feel bad about that. (Sorry) And the reason is that this is habitual behavior for this family. I love them, but they really need to help their kids become independent. Can I send them to your family meeting?
Therefore, the school is actually asking the parents to complete these tasks, and if it doesn't get done, it is ultimately our fault, not the kids.
We don't want our kids to get in trouble for something we feel is at least partly our fault, so we help them out.
Of course we want to teach them responsibility, but in the end, do we want our child fondly remember all the times Mom came to the rescue, or feel resentful that we didn't help out?
It's a tough call, and I guess finding the balance is the answer. Good luck with your meeting! You're doing great :-)
This part made me laugh:
I also drove all the way home when I probably should have just stopped at the nearest grocery store to get a new mushroom, I just wasn't thinking clearly
I know I would've done the exact same thing!