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Making Friends ...



Growing up I had a mom who could talk
and talk
and TALK!

She came to all my field trips.
She knew all the neighbors and had coffee time after school several times a week.
She spoke at length with the lady/fella (her term) at the cash register.
She spoke to strangers like she knew them all her life.

This was my mom.
Her name is Geri.
And, there is no one quite like her.
*I'm fairly certain there was a cigarette inches from my head and my dad was drinking a beer ... oh the 70's!

There are things I got from my mom ...
  • her need for a clean environment
  • her inability to sit down and relax
  • her energy and slim figure (although I am shorter in stature and tinier in build)
  • her high expectations of others and outward disappointment (sigh ... a definite cross)
  • her issues with self esteem (although I recognize mine and really do put forth effort to work through it)

What I didn't get ...
  • outgoing personality
  • her ability to be a chatty conversationalist (although MY husband may beg to differ when it comes to HIM ... I can talk his ear off)

Not having some of what my mom had, makes it harder ... especially in today's world. Neighborhoods and the times are just so different. I'm so incredibly grateful for internet friends. They make life with the absence of real life friends just a little easier. I can come to this screen and find my way to words and faces that are familiar to me.

It isn't that I don't have ANY FRIENDS. I have a lot of ladies that I would call acquaintances ... potential friends. It just all stops at a certain point and the relationship seems stuck ... never really moving further in the speed it should. I don't quite know what it is about me that makes building friendships hard. If I were to look at the qualities I would like in a friend, my own would not be too far off.

I could blame it on my shyness. We've moved around a lot and that is never an easy thing for someone who is quiet.

I could say it is due to fear. What if the "friend" isn't who I really think she is? Even worse, what if she doesn't quite get me and what I'm about?

I could also say it is laziness. Friendships take work and to really develop one you sometimes have to give in order to get. That could mean putting myself out there more.

It's terribly frustrating. Even now this is the one kind of post that I just can't seem to finish off properly. It's sort of the way I handle meeting new people ... an encouraging start with a weak follow up.

I'm not Geri.
She was always someone who knew what to say next.
I'm 38 and still haven't figured it all out.

Making friends. It's a constant pursuit of mine.

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Comments

Kimberly said…
Hello, I found your site by way of PW. I couldn't agree more with your post today...shyness, fear and laziness sum up my reasons also! It's funny because I was just talking to my sister about this.
1:12 AM
Unknown said…
I can toally relate!

And can I say that you look sooo much like your Mom!
9:00 AM
Beth said…
Wish we lived closer because I'd be your friend! We have a lot in common, I think...I'm also 38 (actually, on Thanksgiving I will be 38). I'm a Catholic mom of 4 kids (3 girls...so I can totally relate), two of which are pre-teens, I grew up in the 70's & 80's and graduated in '90. I can also talk enough for both of us when I feel a connection with someone...or just standing in a line at the grocery store! Sometimes shy people need outgoing people to nudge them along and help bring them out of their shell...like opposites attract, I guess. You seem like a neat person, and are doing yourself (and potential friends) an injustice by keeping yourself TO yourself! I'll be your buddy...just let me know!!! ;)
10:56 AM
Christine said…
I so get this post. People so busy with life ---kids, husband etc...makes it hard with the time thing.

everyone is so stinkin busy!!

I would love to have you for a neighbor...sorta do! You are my blog neighbor and I love seeing your face and family everyday!
12:32 PM
Tahoe Mom said…
I found your blog through PW today. Your post totally resonated with me. We have lived in the same small town for over 13 years and I know a ton of people - but how many of them would I call a true friend? Maybe 1 or 2. I feel like people just aren't interested in spending time with me.
4:11 PM
Melissa said…
Coming out of lurkdom to say that I have the same probelem! I can be pretty introverted, and it is hard to feel comfortable enough with people to really be "friends".
1:48 PM
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