Feeling UNCERTAIN and WORRIED ...

On October 1st, 2014 I ventured into direct selling with a great skin care company. It was my second go at it (first being from June 1- November 1, 2012) and I really felt optimistic about getting back into it. I love the products and the business model was great. Problem was ... I was not great.

One of my goals I had when joining Rodan and Fields was to make some money without having to compromise family and time. With that I had really hoped to gain confidence, make new friends in the area I live, and ultimately gain a sense of pride. I wanted my husband and children to be proud of ME.

I've spent the better part of my adult life taking care of others and being HOME to do that. We've been fortunate to get by with one income. That's not to say that things aren't "tight", but we have what we need and then some.

Today I am HOME again and without any sort of income. I have 5 children ... one in college and one is is off to college in the fall. We live in an area where everything is expensive. I'm sure that I am not alone in feeling financial pressure. College is crazy expensive and figuring out how our family will get by is mind numbing.

I know I need to do something.

I need that something to be part time because all the afterschool activities require a MOM who can help out.

I'm not sure what that something should be???????

I do know that Rodan and Fields was not the answer for me. I guess I can cross that "something" off my list.

What do I want to be when I grow up? I thought I knew when I was younger, but with time ... not so sure anymore.

My prayers these days are long and quite frankly, the begging kind. Please, PLEASE help me to know the plans YOU have for ME. Plans for welfare ... plans to give me HOPE ... plans to give me a FUTURE.

I don't want to feel FEAR, WORRY, and UNCERTAINTY each day.

PLEASE show me the way ...

Comments

Feeling every bit of 46 ... ugh!

When I was 45, I was feeling fabulous. I was fit, energetic, and I thought I could easily pass for 40;) Age was just a number and I certainly didn't think I felt or looked my true age. Then February 11th came and I turned 46. I have sciatica on my left side, my left knee is stiff, and I have plantar fasciitis in my right foot. I've resorted to stretching all the time and popping the occasional anti-inflammatory. There are dark circles under my eyes that I've had to start putting concealer on. My hair is growing out from last years 45 year old short hair, but it's just in an awkward stage. I can't decide if I want to cut it again or let it grow out. I even thought of styling my hair differently by doing a different hair part. That was a terrible idea because I was SHOCKED to see how much gray is now growing in the center of my scalp. I also think my metabolism is slowing down because my mid section seems a little thicker ... ...

"The Loveliness of The Seashore"

What is the "Seashore" like? "Where the sky meets the sea ... The seashore is a place where the sea and the sky are the same smoky gray until ... the morning sun breaks through. The hot noonday sun feels warm as a big soft cat covering you. And it seems there is nothing in the world except the sound of the wind and the rising and falling of waves." Over at Dawn 's there are so many wonderful books suggested on her blog. Earlier this month I couldn't help but to peek at some of them ... thanks Dawn! *The above quote came from The Seashore Book . The ocean moves in and then moves out. This place where water, sky and earth meet is never the same. The tide comes in, the tide goes out, each wave that returns pushes against the incoming swell as it is pulled back into the endless depths and swallowed into the vastness of an unknown deep. Such is each day of our "daily" lives. I grew up enjoying the sights, sound, and the surf of the NY/Jersey "shor...

A scattered post ...

I throw myself into stuff all the time. It can be anything from the start of a swim season, a new school year, the election, a vacation, an exercise routine etc. I'm kind of in a phase where I really don't know what my focus should be. I turned on the television and honestly, I have no idea what is on this fall season ... NO IDEA AT ALL . If I watched television in the past few months, it was something kid related or Fox News. I NEED A NEW FOCUS. My current thoughts ... reading a fictional, just for fun book stepping up my exercise routine thinking about our Christmas wish lists and shopping baking more ... I really am slacking in this area ways to save money so that we can get a new (second) washer and dryer for the upstairs (not a fancy kind because this would mostly be used by my oldest two children)... I actually have hookups. I wonder if a lot of people go through a sort of "lull" period this time of the year. Surely it doesn't last long with the start ...

"A Wink and a Smile"

Search This Blog